The Narco-Killer's Tale: Confessions of a Justified Sinner
By Ioan Grillo
In his comprehensive and compelling new book,  El Narco: Inside Mexico's Criminal Insurgency, British correspondent Ioan Grillo, who also reports for TIME,  narrates the Mexican underworld's "radical transformation from drug  smugglers into paramilitary death squads ... a criminal insurgency that  poses the biggest armed threat to Mexico since its 1910 revolution."  Grillo outlines both the Mexican and American policy failures that  fostered the crisis, which has produced 40,000 murders south of the  border since 2006. More important, he offers a rare and unsettling look  into the lives of ordinary Mexicans and other Latin Americans "sucked  into [the drug war] or victimized by it." An excerpt:
  It all seemed like a bad dream.
  It may have been vivid and raw. But it felt somehow surreal, like  Gonzalo was watching these terrible acts from above. Like it was someone  else who had firefights with ski-masked federal police in broad  daylight. Someone else who stormed into homes and dragged away men from  crying wives and mothers. Someone else who duct-taped victims to chairs  and starved and beat them for days. Someone else who clasped a machete  and began to hack off their craniums while they were still living.(See photos of a siege in Cuidad Juárez.)
  But it was all real.
  He was a different man when he did those things, Gonzalo tells me. He  had smoked crack cocaine and drunk whisky every day, had enjoyed power  in a country where the poor are so powerless, had a latest model truck  and could pay for houses in cash, had four wives and children scattered  all over ... had no God.
  "In those days, I had no fear. I felt nothing. I had no compassion  for anybody," he says, speaking slowly, swallowing some words.
  His voice is high and nasal after police smashed his teeth out until  he confessed. His face betrays little emotion. I can't really take in  the gravity of what he is saying — until I play back a video of the  interview later and transcribe his words. And then as I wallow over the  things he told me, I have to pause and shudder inside.(Read about how Mexico's drug war may become its Iraq.)
  I talk to Gonzalo in a prison cell he shares with eight others on a  sunny Tuesday morning in Ciudad Juárez, the most murderous city on the  planet. We are less than seven miles from the U.S. and the Rio Grande  that slices through North America like a line dividing a palm. Gonzalo  sits on his bed in the corner clasping his hands together on his lap. He  wears a simple white T-shirt that reveals a protruding belly under  broad shoulders and bulging muscles that he built as a teenage American  football star and are still in shape at his 38 years. Standing 6 ft. 2  in., he cuts an imposing figure and exhibits an air of authority over  his cellmates. But as he talks to me, he is modest and forthcoming. He  bears a goatee, divided between a curved black moustache and gray hairs  on his chin. His eyes are focused and intense, looking ruthless and  intimidating but also revealing an inner pain.
  Gonzalo spent 17 years working as a soldier, kidnapper and murderer  for Mexican drug gangs. In that time he took the lives of many, many  more people than he can count. In most countries, he would be viewed as a  dangerous serial killer and locked up in a top security prison. But  Mexico today has thousands of serial murderers. Overwhelmed jails have  themselves become scenes of bloody massacres: 20 slain in one riot; 21  murdered in another; 23 in yet another: all in penitentiaries close to  this same cursed border.
  Within these sanguine pens, we are in a kind of sanctuary — an entire  wing of born-again Christians. This is the realm of Jesus, they tell  me, a place where they abide by laws of their own "ecclesiastical  government." Other wings in this jail are segregated between gangs: one  controlled by the Barrio Azteca, which works for the Juárez Cartel;  another controlled by their sworn enemies the Artist Assassins, who  murder for the Sinaloa Cartel.
  The 300 Christians try to live outside of this war. Baptized Libres  en Cristo, or "Free Through Christ," the sect founded in the prison  borrows some of the radical and rowdy elements of Southern U.S.  Evangelicalism to save these souls. I visit a jail-block mass before I  sit down with Gonzalo. The pastor, a convicted drug trafficker, mixes  stories of ancient Jerusalem with his hard-core street experiences,  using slang and addressing the flock as the "homies from the barrio." A  live band blends rock, rap and norteño music into their hymns.  And the sinners let it all out, slam-dancing wildly to the chorus,  praying with eyes closed tight, teeth gritted, sweat pouring from  foreheads, hands raised to the heavens — using all their spiritual power  to exorcise their heinous demons.
  Gonzalo has more demons than most. He was incarcerated in the prison a  year before I met him, and bought his way into the Christian wing  hoping it was a quiet place where he could escape the war. But when I  listen carefully to his interview, he sounds like he really has given  his heart to Christ, really does pray for redemption. And when he talks  to me — a nosy British journalist prying into his past — he is really  confessing to Jesus.
  "You meet Christ and it is a totally different thing. You feel  horror, and start thinking about the things you have done. Because it  was bad. You think about the people. It could have been a brother of  mine I was doing these things to. I did bad things to a lot of people. A  lot of parents suffered."
   Read about activists marching against Mexico's drug war.
     "When you belong to organized crime you have to change. You could be  the best person in the world, but the people you live with change you  completely. You become somebody else. And then the drugs and liquor  change you."
  I have watched too many videos of the pain caused by killers like  Gonzalo. I have seen a sobbing teenager tortured on a tape sent to his  family; a bloodied old man confessing that he had talked to a rival  cartel; a line of kneeling victims with bags over their heads being shot  in the brain one by one. Does someone who has committed such crimes  deserve redemption? Do they deserve a place in heaven?(Read about Mexico bracing for a deadlier drug war after a bombing.)
  Yet, I see a human side to Gonzalo. He is friendly and well mannered.  We chat about lighter issues. Perhaps in another time and place, he  could have been a stand-up guy who worked hard and cared for his family —  like his father, who, he says, was a lifelong electrician and union  man.
  I have known angry, violent men in my home country; hooligans who  smash bottles into people's faces or stab people at soccer games. And on  the surface, those men seem more hateful and intimidating than Gonzalo  as he talks to me in the prison cell. Yet they have killed nobody.  Gonzalo has helped turn Mexico at the dawn of the 21st century into a  bloodbath that has shocked the world.
  In his 17 years in the service of the mafia, Gonzalo witnessed extraordinary changes in the Mexican drug industry.
  He began his career in Durango, the mountainous northern state that  is the proud birthplace of Mexican revolutionary Pancho Villa. It is  also near the heartland of smugglers who have taken drugs to America  since Washington first made them illegal. After dropping out of high  school and abandoning his hopes of becoming an NFL quarterback, Gonzalo  did what many young tough nuts in his town did: he joined the police  force. It was here he learned the highly marketable skills of kidnapping  and torture.(Read to see if Mexico's narcos are fighting scared.)
  The path from policeman to villain is alarmingly common in Mexico.  Major drug lords, such as the 1980's "Boss of Bosses" Miguel Angel Felix  Gallardo, began as officers of the law, as did notorious kidnapper  Daniel Arizmendi, alias the Ear Lopper. Like them, Gonzalo left the  police after a reasonably short stint, deserting when he was 20 years  old to pursue a full-time criminal career.
  He arrived in Ciudad Juárez and did dirty work for an empire of  traffickers who smuggled drugs along a thousand miles of border from  east of Juárez to the Pacific Ocean. The year was 1992, glorious days  for Mexico's drug mafias. A year earlier, the Soviet Union had collapsed  and governments across the world were globalizing their economies. A  year later, Colombian police shot dead cocaine king Pablo Escobar,  signaling the beginning of the demise of that country's cartels. As the  1990s went on, Mexican traffickers flourished, moving tons of narcotics  north and pumping back billions of dollars amid the surge in free trade  created by NAFTA. They replaced Colombians as the dominant mafia in the  Americas. Gonzalo provided muscle for these gangster entrepreneurs,  pressuring (or kidnapping and murdering) anyone who didn't pay their  bills. And he became a rich man, earning hundreds of thousands of  dollars.
  But by the time of his arrest 17 years later, his job and his  industry had changed drastically. He was leading heavily armed troops in  urban warfare against rival gangs. He was carrying out mass kidnappings  and controlling safe houses with dozens of victims bound and gagged. He  was working with high-ranking city police officers, but fighting  pitched battles against federal agents. And he was carrying out brutal  terror, including countless decapitations. He had become, he tells me, a  man he did not recognize when he stared in the mirror.
  "You learn a lot of forms of torture. To a point you enjoy carrying  them out. We laughed at people's pain — at the way we tortured them.  There are many forms of torture. Cutting off arms, decapitating. This is  a very strong thing. You decapitate someone and have no feeling, no  fear."
  Understanding the Mexican drug war is crucial not only because of  morbid curiosity at heaps of severed-brain cases — but because the  problems in Mexico are being played out across the world. We hear little  about communist guerrillas in the Americas these days, but criminal  uprisings are spreading like bushfire. In El Salvador, the Mara  Salvatrucha forced bus drivers into a national strike over anti-gang  laws; in Brazil, the First Command torched 82 buses, 17 banks and killed  42 policemen in one coordinated offensive; in Jamaica, police clashed  with supporters of Christopher "Dudus" Coke, leaving 70 dead. Are  pundits going to insist this is just cops and robbers? The Mexican drug  war is a frightening warning of how bad things could get in these other  countries; it is a case study in criminal insurgency.
  Many Salvadoran gang bangers are the sons of communist guerrillas —  and call themselves combatants just like their fathers. But they don't  care about Che Guevara and socialism, just money and power. In a  globalized world, mafia capitalists and criminal insurgents have become  the new dictators and the new rebels. Welcome to the 21st century.
  
From El Narco: Inside Mexico's Criminal Insurgency. Copyright© 2011 by Ioan Grillo. Published by Bloomsbury Press. 
See photos about coming to age in Ciudad Juarez.
Read about Mexico's lost generation.
Source